A Closer Look at Conflict Management Styles

There is no universally correct way to handle every workplace conflict. Each conflict is unique, and depending on the individual circumstances of the issue or disagreement, and depending on the personalities involved, different strategies are needed to reach the optimal solution and move forward successfully.

To take a closer look at the various strategies one can use in resolving workplace conflict, let us review the five different conflict management styles developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann.

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument assesses conflict management styles on two distinct levels: assertiveness and cooperativeness. Under this model, the five conflict management styles are as follows:

1. Competing (both assertive and uncooperative)
2. Collaborating (unassertive and cooperative)
3. Compromising (a moderate level of both assertiveness and cooperativeness)
4. Avoiding (both unassertive and uncooperative)
5. Accommodating (unassertive and cooperative)

Most people have personalities that naturally tend toward one or two of these five conflict management styles. However, being aware of how each of the five styles can be helpful, depending on the details of the conflict, can increase your ability to work through conflict and ultimately aid your business.

While there are some situations when being both assertive and uncooperative would only increase conflict, there are other situations in which that is the ideal managing style. Likewise, while some might think that being unassertive and accommodating is too non-aggressive, there are situations where having an accommodating approach is best for all parties involved in the long run.

A competing conflict management style is aggressive, forceful, and power-oriented. When using a competing approach, you might take advantage of your position, your standing in the company, and even personal concerns - all in a no-holds-barred attempt to get your way and "win" the argument.

Although this "might equals right" mode may seem too belligerent for the office, there are some instances where it is the best choice. Examples: There is a company emergency where a leader is needed and where a fast and decisive decision is needed quickly. When you are up against someone else of a purely competing nature.

When you have examined all of the evidence and know that you are right. When there is an unpleasant decision to be made concerning pay cuts, layoffs, discipline, or reorganization.

A collaborating conflict management style is when you work with the other person to sate both of your needs and address both of your concerns. Both assertive and cooperative, collaborating is the opposite of avoiding and is also one of the most effective ways to work with others and keep the company's best interests at heart.

Collaborating involves listening, understanding the others' point of view, and finding a solution (not necessarily either side's original solution) that satisfies everyone's requirements. Examples: You have a situation in which you want to put personal feelings aside and focus on issues.

When the major objective is to learn from others or to work on your relationship with others. To encourage mutual commitment to a project through incorporating others' ideas into the final agreement.

A compromising conflict management style is a perfect balance of both levels of assertiveness and levels of cooperation. Compromising usually means both sides give concessions but also both sides get a little of what they want.

Conflict is neither avoided altogether nor collaborated on fully. There is some cooperation, but not complete cooperation. Compromise is about making both parties happy enough - splitting the difference and finding an acceptable middle ground.

Examples: When a healthy relationship with the other party is more important than reaching all of your goals. When a complex issue needs a fast but temporary solution while a better solution is discussed. When you have an approaching deadline. When collaboration is not working despite your best efforts.

An accommodating conflict management style is the opposite of a competing style. In this mode, you are selfless, flexible, and attentive to others' needs. You will sacrifice your own wants and ideas and bend to others' will.

You agree to things you may disagree with at heart and show generosity, charity, and open-mindedness. Although this seems like a bad idea for your side's goals and needs, it is sometimes useful when keeping up the relationship is more important than the matter at hand.

Examples: When an issue is much more important to the other person than to you. When you are in the weaker position and being competitive would only weaken your cause further in the future. When you would like subordinates to come to their own conclusions, take action, and learn from their own mistakes.

When you realize you or your position is wrong. When you want to "pick your fights" and have another issue to cover later that is of more importance.

An avoiding conflict management style is extremely passive - the topic at hand is ignored. Both your goals and the goals of the other person are not engaged or discussed and the conflict is left alone altogether.

Any attempts made by others to address the conflict are ignored, sidestepped, or delayed. Examples: When others are not acting appropriately. When the conflict will cause more damage than the potential resolution will offer.

When those involved need time to cool their temperaments and collect their thoughts. When you need to gather more information or data. When the issue is symptomatic of a greater issue, or when other unrelated issues are more pressing.

Just as it is important for your to choose a style of conflict management each time you enter into a discussion or argument at the workplace, it is also imperative that you recognize which conflict management style the other party is using on their end of the issue and why they have chosen that approach.

Whichever management style or styles you choose to utilize for your workplace conflict, it is important to keep the more general conflict management lessons of Part I in mind:

- Be aware of yourself and what you are feeling.
- Separate your emotions and personal needs from the greater issue at hand.
- Listen to what others are saying and process their ideas with care.
- Focus on communication and keep an open mind.
- Don't assume anything and try to increase your knowledge of the situation and others' viewpoints and motivations.
- Don't focus on "winning," focus on what is best for your company.

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