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The Bane Of Christmases Up And Down The Country

We've all been there. It's Christmas Day and our children have got all the brightly coloured plastic gadgets they could possibly dream of. The papers ripped off, the boxes are flung and they're bouncing up and down like they're on speed, itching to get into the toys and break them - I mean play with them.

And here the problems begin. Just how do you get into them? The health and safety gurus have obviously never come into contact with this type of packaging because it is lethal! You need a degree just to get into them!

First, we try opening it with our hands. We know it's going to fail but on the off chance, we try it anyway. Then we scan the room for someone with long nails and get them to have a go. Again, a fruitless option because unless they're hands are made of Swiss army knives, it just ain't going to happen!

We grab our bunch of keys, about as sharp as a butter knife and attempt to stab at the package while our bouncy child is becoming red faced at the frustration of waiting for their toy. They're not the only ones! Eventually we do what we should have done in the first place. We haul ourselves up from the sofa and go into the kitchen for a pair of scissors.

This is still not as easy as it looks. As soon as we try to cut into the package it does a double flip back on us, slicing open our fingers with the only sharp edge you have managed to create. What I want to know is who invented this type of packaging and why do they just have something against children or is it that they can't have kids and so want to get their own back on all the parents out there?

Of course, inventing such a thing was no mean feat for them. First, they needed a n evil plan to make packaging that made a product look great but that no one could get into. Once the idea was formed, they needed some type of packaging machinery to construct it because this doesn't come from any human hand.

This packaging machinery will take melted plastic, form it in to intricate shapes around the toy leaving no gap that any normal, sane person could wedge a sharp implement into and then heat it and seal it together. This is clever packaging machinery! It can work out the multitude of different shapes for every possible toy, then melt, mould and seal to perfection.

So, there we have it: an evil inventor and packaging machinery to carry out the deed. Your child's toys are duly packaged beyond recognition in hard plastic that means they then need a bigger box. This, of course, comes with a bigger price tag because you think you are getting more for your money.

Your child wakes up Christmas Day to a mountain of brightly coloured gifts. He spends a fretful morning consuming all the chocolate and sweets that was mean to last for the entire festivities whilst whining at you to get into the toys. By lunch time, you have succeeded - and all it took was half the contents of your tool box and one packet of plasters.

You turn with pride to hand your child the toy to find they have made a wonderful game out of the boxes and paper that it all came in. They may pick up the toy for a while after lunch and more chocolate but by Boxing Day you can be assured it will be broken. If only they could make toys that were as strong as the damn packaging.

Seed Newsvine

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