Why Encourage Children to Have the Self-Confidence to Speak Up?

Is your child shy? Do they feel like they are left out of playmates and playground activities? Is there a way to increase their self confidence without making it a huge issue for them? What are some ideas for helping them to be critical thinkers and problem solvers?

Two Ways to Build Self Confidence
There are two different ways each one of us establish worth and value. One is extrinsic, coming from outside of ourselves and the other intrinsic, or coming from our own sense of self and strengths.

Extrinsic confidence comes from praise, recognition, encouragement of those whom we trust and their approval is important to us. As parents, teachers, coaches and mentors, we have a huge responsibility to encourage the young person to recognize their own success.

In order to truly value their own worth and speak up in an assertive and respectful way, we need to help them build their own self confidence and esteem. It is not a gift we can give them, or an obligation we can force on them.

Intrinsic Confidence comes from their perception on who and what kind of person they are and they recognize their own worth and value in the world.

Ideas to Assist a Child to be Inner Motivated

- Don't punish them for telling you the truth, or they will either refrain from sharing with you or quickly learn to blame someone else.

If they get in trouble for telling you they broke the lamp, when it is obvious they were the only one in the house and the pieces are lying on the floor. They will be hesitant to share a secret or situation which is confusing to them.

- Allow them to have opinions and to think through issues. A technique I borrowed from a friend was to ask my children to give me five reasons they wanted to do or have something. It forced them to think for themselves and look at a problem from a number of different angles.

This exercise assists them in becoming critical thinkers in all areas of their lives. It also helps them to know that their opinion and voice matters. They are entitled to speak their mind.

- Also, explain to children that tone of voice and body language are much more important than the words spoken. Teach them to speak in a firm but kind voice and to either stand up or raise their hand (palm facing out) when they want to be heard or when they are trying to get their point across.

In teaching them about non-verbal communication I used the example of the crossing guard by the school to show how holding her hand or a sign up indicated to cars that they should stop. Her body language is giving a message without even saying a word.

Some samples of phrases that are respectful and assertive might be:
- "I am not comfortable with that"
- "Why do you want me to do that?"
- "Let me think about that."
- "That would not be a good choice for me right now."
- "That doesn't sound like something my parents would agree with."
- "My stomach (or heart) tells me to say no."
- "I will talk to my parents about it and get back to you."

Of course they don't get to debate over loading the dishwasher or taking out the garbage, but they do get to have choices. This means they may be able to choose which chore will be done first or else talk about why they don't want to do it right this minute. The more choice and voice a child has, the more self confident and assured he or she will become.

Seed Newsvine

Bookmark this article in your preferred program

Comments

Add Comment

Popular Articles in this cathegory

This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.