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Discipline: When Is It Ok To Spank Your Child?

Many of us grew up in families in which parents were not afraid to spank their children. Today, however, the political climate has shifted and it has become politically incorrect to spank. Yet I can tell you as both a mother and clinical psychologist there are times when a good spanking can work like a charm.

But what does a “good spanking” mean? For a spanking to be effective, parents need to follow certain rules. First, you must keep in mind that disciplining your child should be done to change the child’s behavior – not to inflict pain. So when you spank your child you should never strike him or her with your hand; to do so, reduces your reaction time and turns your hand into a weapon. Instead, use a harmless object such as a plastic spoon, which you might dub “Mr. Persuasion.”

While you don’t want to spank a child who is having a temper tantrum because that will only make the problem worse, a spanking may be perfectly appropriate when a young child persists in doing something dangerous after your attempts to reason with him have failed. Negotiating with a child and giving him a time out have their place, but a child who runs out in the street after repeated warnings not to, or a five-year-old who continues to hit his younger sister after being told to stop, may only “get the message” after being spanked.

A properly performed spanking will cause your child to think about his behavior and give him ownership of his actions.

Of course, no two children are the same and every child has a different temperament. Some kids will "get the message" and never need the added persuasion of a little "love pat," as I affectionately called it with my own children.

Should you choose to spank, use it sparingly and thoughtfully; never treat it as an empty threat and never perform a spanking in public where the child may experience humiliation. If you warn your child that he will be spanked if he continues to break a rule and you have outlined the consequences for breaking that rule, it is fine to say, “If you continue to hit your sister, you will be spanked.”

In my practice, I see a lot of parents who have spoiled children because they never spanked them or disciplined them in any way. You can learn from their failures by not letting your children walk all over you beginning at a young age.

Parents have to expect that they will need to discipline their children over many years. Granted, disciplining your child is a tough role to play but it is a necessary one as children are hardwired to misbehave. It is natural for them test your limits as they grow into separate individuals. Smart, confident parents will remember that spanking can be an important tool in their discipline arsenal. They must remember also that the goal of disciplining is to teach your children accountability and that they always have a choice.

© Maryann Rosenthal – All Rights Reserved

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