Stock Market Rallies - Press Depressed!

The stock market rallied on Friday and boy was the press upset. When I turned on my car radio I caught the market report near the end and I didn't hear the news about the stock market rally. All I heard was very depressed journalists reporting. They sounded so sad and upset. I said to myself, "oh no, what terrible thing is happening now! More miners trapped? Are more bridges falling down? No! Please don't tell me anything like that!"

So, what was this cataclysmic event that made these reporters so sad? Well, it turns out, the terrible thing was the stock market soared 233 points, and now, for the second day in a row the Dow Jones Average moved quickly and strongly upward. The day before this 233-point rise the stock market had fallen over 300 points in the morning, but then in the afternoon it turned around and rallied over 300 points!

This means the stock market moved up over 500 points in less than two days. The people who were reporting it were absolutely suicidal!

When I got home I turned on the television and caught the nightly news. The newsmen and women were almost crying. How terrible! The stock market rallied. They didn't even mention how high it went, they tried, but they choked every time they tried to say t-t-t-two. The best they could do was refer to it as a "triple-digit-gain."

I remember when a stock market rally was a positive event. It used to be everyone would be happy for those who were invested in the market when it rallied. Now, almost everybody, through 401(k)'s and such, has money invested in the stock market. So, you would think a stock market rally would be a joyful event.

Well, a stock market rally is a joyful event for normal people, but not for members of the press. Their hatred for George W. Bush overshadows all logic. They don't even realize they make fools of themselves when they make a stock market rally sound like a funeral march.

For the previous two weeks, the stock market had been plunging. The mainstream media had their hearts set on a full-fledged stock market crash. Oh! What joy! A stock market crash! Then they could all talk about how much the country needed a new direction! (Choke, gag, cough) However, much to their dismay, the Federal Reserve stepped in and lowered the discount rate. The stock market loved this move because it worked and the press hated it for the same reason.

Suppose after the 300 point drop on the day before the Fed move, the stock market had dropped another 300 points instead of bouncing back 300 points. Then the next day the Fed did nothing. Would the press have lauded that move? Of course not! That's why the press wanted a stock market crash! Ripping anyone in the Bush administration is indigenous to their nature. It is when they're talking down from their imaginary perches situated high above George Bush that they are in their element. This is when they report with smiles on their faces.

So, it's too bad for them. There was no stock market crash. Curses! It would have made their job of getting Hillary Clinton elected president a lot easier. Dow zero! Strike up the band! Happy days are here again! They're all just mainstream media dreams now.

I would like to thank Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, he did a great job. I would also like to thank George W. Bush for having him on his team. Oh yeah, and I'd like to thank the press. It was great fun watching them. Boy! I can't wait until the day after we win the war!

Seed Newsvine

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