Bipolar Disorder, the Silent Killer

The Truth about living with Bipolar Disorder Bipolar Disorder is a deadly disease, it kills thousands every year. Bipolar often goes undiagnosed and people are left to think that they are “bad”, “worthless”, “undeserving”, “a failure”, and “unloved”. These feelings often go to the extreme and people take their lives because they see no way out and they “just don’t want to feel the pain any longer”. Then you have people who may be diagnosed incorrectly and it can take years and much hardship to get proper help. You also have people that are diagnosed successfully and struggled for years to get the right medication. There is not one drug on the market that “fixes” it all. Medication often becomes a science experiment. Many drugs are tried unsuccessfully until you find a combination that can work. It is a tedious process that can take an individual on a rollercoaster ride of hell. Many fortunate people find the right drug combination and go about a some what “normal” life. Below is a journal entry that Brad made one day in reference to his personal struggles with the disease of Bipolar Disorder. Brad has left it uncut and unedited so that you can feel the pain, hurt, and sorrow. Please excuse the bad language; He left it because it is his “truth”. “Dear Bipolar, You are really an asshole, do you know that? I hate you. It does not seem fair that you are in my life. I did not ask for you and I don’t want you. You are no good for me; you cause me hardship and suffering. You have really fucked up my family life in so many ways and helped cause me to have very little self esteem. Of course my parents did not help that process either. Why do you taunt me with the manic stages when you know that all they are going to do is fuck me up the next day? I hate how you drag me down for no apparent reason and then limit me to sleeping for 24 hours straight. I do not like the fact that you cause me to be unproductive and lower my self esteem. You make me feel like a piece of shit. I buy into all the bullshit that you run through my head. You cause me great pain by making me a worse parent than I know I could be if I didn’t have you in my life. You encourage me to get angry at my family and be very short with them. You make me take my bad shit out on them and it is hurting them in ways that I thought I would never ever repeat because I know that they are very destructive to the people around me. You cause me to need more sleep than the average person (8-9 hours per night) and I can’t drastically alter my sleeping schedule with out possible negative side effects. You cause me to need more “down time” than most people need. I can’t be as productive as a “normal” person because you are present in my life. I am less motivated than I would like to be. I get less done than other people do. You give me limitations and restraints that other people don’t have. I have less focus and concentration than most. It is harder to turn off the negative tapes in my head. I will probably need to take medications for the rest of my life.” Bipolar Disorder causes a lot of hardship in people’s lives. There is hope and help, and with the proper diagnosis people can turn their lives around and learn to love themselves, the people around them and the world they live in.

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