Word Count: 671 Date: Fri, 20 Feb 2009 8:36 AM
How to Be More Resilient: Obtain And Use Feedback
You walk into your office and a colleague says: The boss is looking for you. He wants to talk to you. I guarantee that you, like 90% of people, will immediately think: Oh dear, what have I done wrong!
Most people assume that feedback is negative. All of us want to know how we are doing, but we are scared to ask,in case what we hear is hurtful. Unfortunately it often is!
Giving critical feedback without sounding accusing or being hurtful requires a level of communication skill that relatively few people possess. Managers who are faced with employees whose performance is not up to standard typically start off by ignoring the problem. Then when it is too big to ignore any longer, they resort to sarcasm, threats and eventually disciplinary action.
Critical feedback is like taking medicine. You need to take it but it is not a nice experience. If it were balanced by positive feedback, the picture would not be so bad. But giving positive feedback is also not given frequently or skillfully for a variety of different reasons.
Our social and corporate cultures do not encourage praise and in many cultures we are socialized to play down our successes. It is also generally deemed smarter to be critical than to be complimentary.
Whatever the reasons, feedback in general is not given or received very effectively. The consequence is that we miss out on one of the most valuable sources of data that we could use to change and improve our behaviour.
Learning how to obtain and use feedback is an essential skill in your personal growth and development. Particularly when you are under pressure, it is essential that you focus on the things that achieve results. Use the five guidelines to make the most of feedback in your life.
1. Notice positive AND negative feedback.
You can obtain feedback from things you do well and from those you do badly. All of the data is feedback. If you label some outcomes success and some failure, you limit your ability to notice and learn.
2. Be curious about the detail.
Learn to ask questions. What exactly did you do that worked? What exactly did you do that did not work? Get down to the detail. Do not accept feedback that sounds like: You never, or: You always. These are generalisations and unlikely to be either true or helpful. The best feedback is hard, factual data. Ask questions until you have all you need.
3. If it is not working, change it.
It is easy to become locked into a pattern of behaviour that is comfortable, but not very effective. Faced with feedback on your ineffectiveness, you might be tempted to work harder, but in the same old way. You know the saying, if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got! When you want different results, start by changing the way you try to achieve them.
4. If it is working, do more of it.
Learning about what really works for you is just as important as finding out what does not. Question your successes until you know what you are doing that makes the difference. Then do it some more! If what makes you successful is uniquely you, then it becomes the difference that makes a difference. Build on feedback to become known and valued for your own special qualities and abilities!
5. Use positive models.
Compare your own performance with that of people who are successful in your field. Ask others to make the comparison for you. Look for the detail that you need to get right to create successful performances again and again.
We often refer to feedback as the breakfast of champions. When you learn to ask for and use it effectively you too can be a champion.
About the Author
Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. Go to http://www.straight-talk.co.za for free downloads and Straight Talk Tips.
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