Do You Have Your Stories or Do Your Stories Have You?

Do you have your stories or...Do your stories have you? A wise teacher once said, “Faithful servants make for terrible masters. Everything in its proper place!” So true indeed – especially when it come to our stories about ourselves, others, and our lives.

One of the key ideas to grasp is that stories are made up. They are INTERPRETATIONS about life. They are not life itself.

Therefore stories are human creations and can therefore be changed to suit our purposes and values.

(Please read those last two paragraphs again … they are the essence of the message).

Individuals have stories. So do families, groups, companies, communities, nations, and cultures. The key is – what are the stories for? Are they intended to ground, inspire, uplift, and illuminate … or are they designed to limit, manipulate, dominate, or be right?

Let’s bring this rather heady discussion down to earth a bit, shall we?

When you were a child, what were the messages you got from your mother, father, and other authority figures about the following: life, men, women, young people, older people, business, money, God, your body, your mind, emotions and feelings, spirituality, fame, your intelligence, learning, productive work, friendships, sexuality, healthcare, holidays, charity, vacations and relaxation, exercise, diet, etc….

By the time most of us are five or six years old, we have internalized many powerful stories that then shape our life experience. We then start to live our lives based on an intrepretation of "reality".

I'll use my own life as an example. I grew up with an alcoholic parent who would rage most nights after 5 pm (cocktail hour). I learned to run and hide as a way out of dealing with an irrational and angry parent. Later in life, I didn't have to run and hide but continued to do so when differences arose in a relationship. It led to many a broken relationship.

Fairly recently, I began to trace this pattern to that time in my life and to bring the ramifications of this mentality to the forefront of my consciousness and was able to accept and forgive me, them, and everyone in between.

Many wise people throughout history have strongly suggested that an unexamined life (or consciousness) is a very limited way to go. I totally agree, and when it comes to stories, I heartily recommend you begin to inventory the stories you tell – not so much from whether they are true or not (as all stories are interpretations) – but rather from the viewpoints of (1) am I consciously CHOOSING to tell this story, and (2) is this story serving me and my life right now.

I'll give you an example of a story not serving you, again from my personal book of stories...

Walking down the street the other day, I spotted a woman in a wheelchair in front of me on the sidewalk. I considered going another way, primarily out of fear. I found myself thinking the following thoughts...What if I have to do something? What if she ask for help? What if I would have to call an ambulance or the police? Those voices in my head went on and on.

I caught the thoughts, acknowledged them and continued walking towards this person. We exchanged greetings and I asked if she needed a push and she said no, she was just enjoying the morning! I was excited that I was able to catch the thoughts, accept them, allow them, forgive them and keep moving. As my fine coach says, "inch by inch, it's a cinch!"

Until I understood where my reactions came from, there was no way I could redirect my response. As a friend once said, "You can't know what you don't know". Like peeling an onion, one layer at a time! It's almost fun if you can manage to remove yourself from judgements and realize there is a way out.

Stories are like training wheels. They can be useful at one time, and become a limitation later. Managing our stories is a dynamic and never-ending adventure in consciousness.

Until next time, forgive, forgive, and forgive

Your friend on the sidewalk!

Kathy Bibby

Seed Newsvine

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