Transforming Your Second Nature

Have you ever had to work with someone or been friends with someone who was fond of saying "that's just the type of person I am" or some derivative of that phrase, usually provided at just the right time to defend a certain action or comment they recently made?

I can definitely relate. In fact I feel pretty confident that when I was in school and even into my twenties that I rattled off this phrase myself a few times. Again, usually to justify something I was not willing to own.

Anyway, this way of justifying seemed validated by a psychology profession that for the most part believed major personality makeovers were impossible. That is, up until now.

According to Psychology Today, Positive psychologists now think that many of the qualities we hold in high regard such as integrity, honesty and kindness amount to habitual ways of responding to the world. So, they are habits that can be learned.

"The evidence is good that most of these things can be changed," says Christopher Peterson, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan. But, he continues, "that doesn't mean it's easy. It doesn't come in a flash."

So, while many people (because of their history and environment) may tend to exhibit some less than desirable personality traits, these tendencies can be changed and pretty soon the new way of being becomes second nature.

What does this have to do with you?

First, are you living your life authentically and are you doing your best to be the absolute best YOU there is in every area of your life?

If not, what are you waiting for?

Do you ever find yourself making excuses and saying things like "that's just the way I am" even when you know there is something better inside of you?

An example from my own life is that I have never been a fan of big crowds, big parties, and I used to constantly struggle when it came to networking. I would tense up, be miserable and usually leave events having made no significant contacts. I would get home and say "well, that's just not me". "It doesn't fit who I am and I can't do that".

Well, that was all fine and dandy unless you want to run a successful business. So, I had to change. I had to make a conscious effort to change who I was in those situations. Was it easy? No. But I did it. And while my personality temperament is still introverted, my behavior is consistently extroverted when it comes to my business.

Secondly, do you continue to accept negativity in your life from people who constantly make excuses or justify their behavior by saying "I can't help it. That's who I am"?

I used to be in a significant relationship with someone who constantly justified his actions by saying "that's who I am - take it or leave it". It became his answer to everything. How can you argue with that? But, more importantly why would you waste your energy on it?

If you have people in your life who are stagnant, unwilling to truly accept responsibility for their own actions and expect you to pay the price for it, it can dramatically impact your ability to grow and succeed.

The bottom line is that modifying or changing the way you interpret and react to the world can be a transformative experience, freeing you up to act in new ways and experience things you never knew possible.

Think about what may be holding you back from something in your life. Maybe it's a limiting belief you have about yourself or a fear you have taught yourself to have. Try on something new. Behave your way into a new space and I assure you the rest will follow.

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