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A Secret Weapon For Dealing With the Terrible Twos

When my daughter was two, we lived in a house with a mural on the bathtub wall. It was a Polynesian scene with a palm tree and some strange looking Tiki figures. One day, for some reason, she became terrified of the scene and refused to take a bath. I tried everything I knew to no avail. She was adamant about not stepping into the tub and became hysterical if anyone tried to coax or force her.

This went on for many weeks, and I was concerned about keeping her clean. At that time, I had read a wonderful book written by a famous psychiatrist who used to meet with groups of mothers to guide them in parenting. He seemed so compassionate and wise that I wrote him a letter telling him of my problem. His reply to me was simply to wait and not worry. He said her fear would disappear one day, and so it did.

However, I remember to this day how worried and frustrated I felt. I was powerless to convince my toddler she was safe or take away her fear. A few weeks ago I was visiting my daughter, now an adult with children of her own. It was bath time, and my two and a half year-old grandson refused to take his bath. He was not budging! Grandpa and I were sitting on the couch playing with him. Instead of trying to persuade, trick or bargain with him, we simply started to use a simple new acupressure method called EFT on ourselves as we sang a song to him about his dilemma.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques,) consists of gently tapping on eight acupressure points that relax and raise the serotonin in the brain to release fear. Touch or tap each point for three seconds starting on the outer edge of the hand under the little finger, then the eyebrow near the nose, the side of the eye socket, under the eye, under the nose, under the lower lip, under the collarbone, and on the side of the body four inches below the armpit.

With small children, an adult can focus on the tot's problem and tap as a stand-in for the little one. Grandpa and I were tapping on ourselves while saying, "Even though you don't want to take a bath, no way, we love you very much." Then, as we gently tapped I sang, "No, no, no, I won't go!" Every once in a while, I would gently tap my grandson's collarbone point or the eyebrow point in a tickly way. We sang about hating to take a bath, not in the mood, no one's going to make me, and whatever came to mind. He liked the "No, No, No" part a lot.

The brief EFT treatment lasted only a few minutes. Then, when his sister said that she was going in for their bath, he hopped down and went after her. He got right into the bathtub as if there had never been any problem. His resistance was gone for good.

If only I had EFT all those years ago when my daughter gave me such a hard time! It works like magic with children because it isn't about reasoning with them, especially toddlers. EFT works on the brain by raising the serotonin. Serotonin does two things: it soothes us and it also erases fear reactions in the brain. That is why fears go away permanently.

When adults gently tap on the child, if they will allow it, or tap on themselves as they speak for the child about his fear, anger, sadness, etc., be sure to use simple language. I enjoy singing about the negative feelings to make them go away. Try it for the child you love and you will make those "terrible twos" become "terrific twos."

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