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Author: hotpotato | Total views: 0 Comments: 0
Word Count: 1158 Date: Thu, 14 Jun 2007 6:39 AM

How To Get Women ... Both Ways

One of the more interesting questions I get asked is "how can I get women?" to which I always shoot back my own clarifying question: "Do you mean 'get' as in 'understand' or 'get' as in 'get with'?" Now, almost without exception the person asking the question means how can they "get with" women but what is interesting is that if they understood the answer to the first question (understand women) then they wouldn't even need to ask the second question because the answer would become self apparent.

So let's have a closer look at the first question and talk of it in terms of understanding women and how in doing that you will find that "getting with" women suddenly doesn't seem so problematic.

I sometimes get scoffed at when I use a generic phrase like "understanding women" as if "women" were some homogenous blob with a set of detailed instructions attached, instead of a lot of individuals which is of course what they are. But the fact remains that they all have two arms and two legs, are more connected with their emotions than is the case with men, and will also prioritise things differently to men. Certainly when it comes down to dealing with individuals, individual characteristics will come to the fore but that doesn't negate the fact that there are some universal traits that apply to the vast majority of females - the understanding of which will lessen the "mystery" that some men continue to ascribe to women.

The key reason that a lot of men don't understand women is that they continue to look at them and even judge them through a male frame of reference. What I propose to do is point out some of the core differences between men and women and then show you how an understanding of those differences will better enable you to attract and seduce women.

Core Difference No. 1

Men will look to the logic of a situation to access its truth whereas women will look to how they feel to find its truth.

Truth, like everything else, is relative. Whoever proclaims something as true only does so because it matches up against a pre-determined frame of reference. A person may have an encyclopaedia as his frame of reference and will therefore judge anything that he reads in that encyclopaedia as being "true." Someone else may have her University professor as a frame of reference and will hold anything that professor says as being "true."

At a high level, most men will adjudge something as being "true" if it all comes together logically. Women however don't place as much value on logic. This is not to say that they ignore it but they don't treat it as the "be all and end all". They are more likely to assess how they feel about something and then use that as their barometer of truth.

And how does all this translate into "getting with" women. Quite simply, the man who produces good feeling in a woman is more likely to score with her than the man who presents his wares logically.

I've seen and heard of it time and time again: good looking men with steady jobs and steadier personalities who aren't getting the women they want because they present their credentials as if they by themselves were enough. The problem is their frame of reference. They've heard women bemoan the fact that there are no "decent" guys around and they assume that all they need to do therefore is present a model of decency and that these same women will flock to them. This is taking a logical approach and it's success will always be limited.

The man who is attuned to the female frame of reference however, and concentrates on making her feel good irrespective of what credentials he does or doesn't have, will always have a greater chance of getting her because - he gets her.

Core Difference No.2

Women aren't hung up on being consistent.

Closely aligned with Core Difference No.1 is the fact that being consistent is not as important to women as it is to men. This of course goes hand-in-hand with using their feelings as a frame of reference. Feelings change and therefore a woman's outlook on something can change as well. This is something that women are quite comfortable with.

Men on the other hand are more prone to form an opinion on something and then stand rigidly by that opinion even if it no longer serves them to do so. This is because they put a higher value on consistency than they do on whatever else happens to be at stake.

And what practical seductive application does this little piece of knowledge have? Men who are consistently successful with women know that they need to be flexible and roll with the punches a little. They know that women are apt to change their minds on various things - such as whom they find attractive - so they're not easily put off by an initial negative reaction. By the same token they don't rigidly hold to an opinion if doing so means the fun is completely sucked out of the conversation and its sexual potential completely squandered. They'll change tack and keep the tone light and not get hung up on labouring their point.

Core Difference No. 3

Women aren't as impressed with the big show

When men are looking to impress each other they will quite often put on "the show". You know what it looks like: the chest goes out and they then go on and on about themselves and their exploits. Now this impresses some men and it doesn't impress others. But what I can guarantee you is that it sure-as-hell doesn't impress women.

In fact going on about yourself is more likely to result in her trying to take you down (if she's that way inclined) or becoming bored with you than it will in you impressing her.

Once again there's a frame of reference issue here: men believing that impressive to one means impressive to all. The woman however is more likely to be asking herself "what's he attempting to hide with all this bragging about his exploits?"

The man who regularly seduces women will do so because he is confident and has personal authority. He doesn't need to back up his authority with stories about himself; he just naturally is authorative.

If you get that there are fundamental differences between men and women and that this necessitates a flexibility in both your attitude and approach when attempting to seduce them, then you will have taken a vital step towards "getting" them.