Adversarial Divorce

Even if the marriage itself has failed, effort should be to walk together in terms of divorce. Going on different paths will invariably complicate matters for both individuals. One should try to sit across with the spouse and settle all matters such as those relating to division of property and other assets, child custody, visitation rights etc., as amicably as possible. If two people fail to sit across and come to amicable settlement of the issues and if the divorce proceedings are contested, then it is called adversarial divorce.

It may be that either one or both the partners feel that they are the aggrieved party. In this case, it is natural to have feelings of bitterness and vengeance. One may wish to hit back at his or her partner for the varied kinds of hurts caused.

Pitfalls of Adversarial Divorce

Adversarial divorce has many things going against it. To begin with, it is lengthy litigation. As both parties try to lash out at the other, chances of a mutually acceptable solution, to the issues at hand, recede to the background. In their efforts to make the other pay for the hurt caused, the litigation simply drags on endlessly increasing the hurt of both parties involved.

To compound matters further, as both parties firm up on their respective stands, there may be a breakdown of communication amongst them. This will mean that all talk will be between the respective parties and their advocates and amongst the advocates in the court of law. This will not only complicate matters as they are unable to easily secure requisite information from each other but also raises the cost of litigation.

The cost of divorce increases as the time being spent by the attorneys on filing different motions for disclosure of related information and taking varied depositions as also court appearances increases substantially. It is but natural, for the attorney to charge the client for all the extra work, which would have been done easily in case of a collaborative divorce.

In case of a collaborative divorce, both the parties can decide on the solution to various issues at hand. On the contrary, in case of an adversarial divorce, a third party, that is the judge and that too after a lengthy process, takes all decisions.

As if all the above points were not bad enough, in an adversarial divorce each party tries to show the other in a negative light. Allegations are made and dirty linen is washed in public. Efforts are made to humiliate the other individual and statements are given out that may cause immense bitterness amongst the two people. All this acrimony tends to make post-divorce relationships full of bitterness and hurt. This can complicate matters relating to visitation rights etc. and can definitely scar an individual emotionally for life.

As opposed to this form of adversarial divorce in which each party tries to win over the other, if the proceedings are amicable, then they both have a sense of satisfaction. That means that even if they do not get along, at least, they will be able to sit across the table and decide on future issues. This becomes a very crucial point where children are also involved.

In an adversarial divorce, both parties tend to lose. The loss may not be in terms of money alone. They tend to lose sleep over how to get back at the other -- how to humiliate their partner and win the case. The prolonged litigation benefits only the lawyers who are able to make more money.

Dragging the divorce proceedings simply to lash out at the partner may seem to be a good idea at first but what one forgets is that in so doing, his or her own hurt is also being prolonged. An adversarial divorce can leave such negative feelings that one might be forced to seek professional help to recover from them.

It is infinitely better to settle all issues with a mutual understanding and as far as possible forgive the faults of the other. This way both partners can go their respective ways and try to come to terms with the consequences of divorce without excess acrimony.

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