Child Custody Schedule: 3 Ways to Help Create the Perfect Child Visitation Agreement

"Any time I make a decision, I suddenly have three more things to decide on. I don't think I can keep up!" came the frantic voice of my friend Alise over the phone. Alise had been going through the process of divorcing her husband and every week she had a whole new set of daunting decisions to make. She was feeling completely overwhelmed trying to make the big decisions of who keeps the house and cars while trying to continue to make the small decisions in every day life, like what to fix the kids for dinner. Alise continued, "And, now I need to come up with a child custody schedule that works for me and is good for the kids--but is also something Jon (her ex) will accept. I just don't know where to start--who do the kids spend Christmas with? How about their summer vacation? How do I do this?"

Tara's predicament as a newly divorced parent is a common one. She was feeling overwhelmed trying to come up with a custody schedule so that her kids could see their father and have time with him, but also have a practical schedule that she and her ex could work out and agree on. Of all the decisions to make in a divorce, the child custody schedule is of upmost importance--because what is more important than your children? However intimidating making the visitation schedule seems though, there are ways of making the project more manageable. Here are three suggestions for making a child custody calendar--so you can take a deep breath and eliminate some of the stress.

1. Make the plan out of love for your kids. I know this seems like an obvious one--but it can be easy to forget in the middle of such a huge project. A lot of parents will sit down with the best intentions, but as the process goes on they start thinking less about what is best for the children and more about what is convenient for them. Of course you love your children and you want them to be happy. When the task of coming up with a visitation calendar is getting so complicated that you just want to throw in the towel, think of little Timmy's happy smile and remember the reason behind all of this. You are performing a labor of love for your child. The investment you put into this custody schedule will pay off big dividends for your kids having good relationships for both parents.

2. Schedule as much time as possible with your children--but be fair to your ex. Of course as a parent you want to see your kids as much as possible. But, you need to remember that your children have another parent and they need to see them too. Whether you're the custodial parent or not, you can create a schedule that gives both parents substantial time with the children. Don't be selfish with holidays. Pick two or three that are important to you, and realize that for some of the important holidays your kids will be with you ex. This can be a disappointing realization and there will be other feelings that go along with this. You will be able to work through those feelings (and as you work through them, go back to the first suggestion). You love your kids enough to make some sacrifices.

3. Focus on the times you get to spend with your children. Whether you're the custodial or non custodial parent, focus your energy into planning the fun times that you have with your children. Instead of being sad that you don't have the kids for Christmas, plan an extra fun weekend for Thanksgiving. That way you (and your kids) will enjoy the time you have together without letting bitterness get in the way. And, this will make it more fun as you plan your custody calendar. As you are going through the tedious process of figuring out the custody schedule, you'll be having some great ideas of the fun things you can do when the kids are with you.

The process of divorce is very difficult. But, as you get through all of the decision making and adjusting, you'll be able to find the stable life you want again. Once that wonderful child custody schedule is in place, you'll be able to relax and just enjoy the time with your kids.

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