Dynamics of Single Motherhood

Challenges for a Single Mother

Divorce creates a financial imbalance between the parents. Most often mothers gain the custody of the child after a divorce and it is very difficult to meet both ends even with the child support payments.

Daily Endurance

Job is a necessity today and for working single moms it is tough to balance both domestic and professional fronts. With having to get the homework done, cooking, feeding the children and making them go to bed on time and so on, these jobs are hard enough for a two-parent family. Imagine the plight of the single mother handling all this alone.

But by proper planning this can be solved to some extent. Divide the housework among the kids and make each one responsible for his share of work. This way the kids will learn to take up responsibilities which will help them in future.

Taking Appropriate Decisions

It is the tendency of single parent to give in to their kid’s undue demands due to the inherent guilt feeling of divorce. Saying yes to whatever the kids ask is not always right, since the kids might capitalise on them. It is necessary for single mothers to decide what is good and what is not for their children. It is critical to learn to say a firm ‘NO’ if required.

Don’t Try to Become a Super Mom

Get involved with the children as much as you can and try and spend quality time with them. Allow them to share their feelings with you. Play games with them and transform yourself to their mental level when discussing their likes and dislikes.

Maintaining Authority

One of the toughest challenges that single mothers face is to maintain an authority over the kids. Often mothers are taken for granted since they are soft and her authority can be challenged easily. It is important that you make the children realise that they have to pay heed to your instructions. Don’t force things on them or try to be a disciplinarian and yell at them. Instead make them realise your importance.

Balancing Career and Home

With most women taking the career path, maintaining a right balance between home and office has become a tough job for single mothers. She needs to have enough time for kids, her career and at the same time have community involvement too. All this can be achieved by prioritisation, time management and delegation of work.

Once you achieve the balance, it does not mean that you have won the battle. This work-life balance is dynamic and varies along with changes in life. The process to achieve this is motivation and patience.

Firstly, believe that there is a way out of this. Be flexible and open to new solutions. Allow your colleagues to take charge of some tasks that eat up your valuable time. Stop thinking that if someone else does the job he or she will not do it right. With time and practice tasks will be better performed.

Allow neighbours and friends to pitch in when there’s a problem. Take help of support groups and organisations set up exclusively for this. Try to maintain the stress level and do not try to become super human by multitasking. Learn to close your eyes and say ‘No’ to things that can be done later. Have fun whenever you can to have a balanced life.

Raising a Son

It is a mere myth that single mothers cannot do the job of raising sons successfully. In fact, the intimacy that sons get from their mothers builds strong foundations for their future. Moms can be a mother and father at the same time since she knows how to construct a strong boundary for her adolescent boy, be attentive enough to sense when something is going wrong, and make wise decisions.

3 out of 10 boys live with single mothers. A teenage boy requires a role model to develop a sense of identity which can be fulfilled by a male teacher, coach, friends etc. But, research shows that many mothers intentionally or unintentionally try to poison their son’s mind against his father. Once these thoughts are planted in their minds they tend to lose faith in themselves to become an honourable man.

Another concern with single moms raising sons is that it may lead to feminising them. Taking them along when you go for shopping of women’s items, taking them to women salon, buying them feminine toys like dolls, involving them in feminine activities, constantly pampering them and telling them that they are cute etc. may be avoided as far as possible.

Is a Father Essential?

Due to the above facts, many people believe that it is essential to have the presence of a male in raising a boy. But it is not so. There have been mothers who have brought up their sons excellently well without the support of their ex. The key factor behind is to treat the son as a child and not as a ‘man of the house’, accompanied by giving him the independence. A boy's masculinity and morality can be encouraged without a live-in father. It is the mother’s attitude and her way of thinking that transform a boy into a man or a feminine male.

The Last Word

A confident single mother is quite capable of fulfilling the responsibilities of a good parent without the help of her male counterpart. The sole intention of a mother is to cater to all the needs of her child. The combination of a single mother and a modern woman is proving to be a boon for the children. They are emotionally powerful, mentally strong and are driven by the instinct to give the best to their children.

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