Emotional Abuse in Marriage

These three questions are enough to signify the nebulous nature of emotional abuse, the problems that can come in one’s way if justice were to be sought for it, and the chance of emotional abuse going entirely unreported. Physical abuse is something that has physical evidence on the body of the victim, but emotional abuse works on the mind, and there is no way to ‘see’ it that way. Domestic violence, especially in the case of marriages, is largely unreported till date. And emotional abuse is never taken as seriously as wife-beating. The only difference is that with the prevalence of the internet and mobile, such forms of abuse have become more traceable. However, this pertains largely to blackmail and extortion. In all other cases, the victims usually end up suffering in silence or walking out of the marriage.

Divorce and Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be a valid ground for divorce under the ‘unreasonable behaviour’ clause. However, it must be borne in mind that accepting such charges depends entirely on the evidence presented, and it must be in a format acceptable in court. If you have been seriously mentally tortured for years and want to walk out of the partnership, you will have to prove in some way that this is happening to you. Merely speaking about it won’t help. Apart from direct proofs, testimonies by neighbours, friends, other witnesses and most importantly, your children, can be accepted in court. It is strongly advised that you hire an expert family lawyer to help you in such matters. You should prepare yourself by reading up a bit on the legalities yourself as well. If your partner is posing a serious threat to you, it is better to move out and stay elsewhere while the proceedings are on. It is also advisable that you take the children with you. If you do not have a friend with whom you can stay, you may try a hotel for some time. If you have a financial crunch, approach the local centre of Relate or the government mediation centre at least a month before your departure, and try to enlist their help. There are several other organizations and activist groups that may be able to help you. Get in touch with them on the net and phone and meet up with them a month before. You must not run out in a hurry with a lot of untied ends behind so that you have to keep going back to the house. Track all messages, mails and calls from your partner during this period of time.

Proofs

If your partner is trying to blackmail you, extort money, is blocking you from a normal social life or dehumanising you, try to gather and record every piece of intimidation and threat that you can. If he or she is sapping your self-confidence, making derogatory remarks about you or anyone you hold as dear, stalking you, sending you unsolicited mails and messages, it all classifies as emotional abuse.

Children and Emotional Abuse

Children are often the worst-affected by emotional abuse. Since they are usually more impressionable than adults, they remember a lot of unsavoury details and keep brooding on them. The scars are lifelong, and cannot be seen. They also tend to blame themselves for the situation, and may neglect their food and studies out of depression or to ‘punish’ themselves. No matter what you may feel about your marriage, the children should not be hurt. They have not chosen such a terrible state of being, and your marital complications should not spoil their future. Even if you are unsure about the divorce, you have to ensure the safety of your children as it is your duty. This is equally applicable to both sexes. Physical abuse can be devastating; the wounds left on your body may haunt you for a long time. But the wounds of the mind are not reachable, so the sores remain open and running for a long time after the ‘incident’. The worst part is that you never know when the old hurt, fear, anger, or vengefulness would resurface again to haunt you, and it is not always within your control. So if the situation at home does not seem to get any better, and the children are being affected as well, walk out.

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