How to Deal with Physical Abuse in a Marriage

Prevention is better than cure and, hence, it is always a good idea to get to know your spouse well before getting into the act of marriage. A courtship period very often will let you know the problem areas of a person and relationship. Certain acts or behaviour like quick temper, irrational jealousy, disrespect for their partner's boundaries, privacy, personal space, lack of moral values, the need to be in control, drug or alcohol abuse are all early warning signs to watch out for. Research indicates that women are eight times more likely to be the victims of domestic violence. However, this does not mean that men are not victims of physical abuse. Physical abuse is often an aftermath of threats and verbal abuse.

Typically, physical abuse occurring in a marriage is defined as the use of physical force by a spouse to injure or hurt his or her partner. In severe cases, domestic violence may even end up in murder. It is important to know that any form of physical abuse, whether it is within the premises of your own home or outside, is a crime. A child exposed to domestic violence in his formative years is more likely to become an abuser or an abused in his or her future relationships. While having an abusive childhood is one of the reasons why abusers behave the way they do, there are other contributing factors such as jealousy, mental illness, stress, and depression amongst others. It is important to protect yourself if you are living with an abuser. Most of the abused people do not report out for the fear of retaliation from their spouse, which they feel might end up being worse than the usual abuse.

Following are a few Tips You can Use to Protect Yourself in case of Retaliation:

Learn self-defence. Yes, this may sound too difficult at first, considering the testing times you are facing, but it is worth the time and energy. Your attacker will be more aggressive if he or she thinks you are weak.
Contact the police in case of assault and get a restraining order to keep your abuser away from you.
Let your family and friends know about the situation and the help you will need from them in case of emergency. Consider moving in with your friend or family or go to a domestic violence shelter. You will be provided the basic necessities at the shelter for some time.
Consult a psychologist. You might need this as option to heal mentally after resolving the domestic violence problem.

It is imperative that you protect your child from becoming a potential abuser due to the exposed risk of physical abuse. Prevent further exposure to domestic violence. Help your child learn non-violent ways of dealing with stress. Domestic violence can lead the abused partner to seek separation or divorce. While under extreme circumstances, divorce might seem like your only option, you might want to give it another thought if it is not a case of repeated physical abuse. It is important to weigh the following points before you consider divorce as an option:

Is the abuse recent enough? On the other hand, is it a case of bitterness of the past and you not being able to resolve it with your partner?
Do you have any witnesses, medical records, police records, and documents to support your version of the abusive incidents?
Has the abuser tried to correct or control the abusive pattern of behaviour? What have you as a victim done, if anything, to try to get the abuser to stop or to get help stopping?
Is the abuse having a long-term effect on your children? If yes, will they be able to testify in court?

Answering to the above questions will give you more clarity on the real issues and your course of action for the divorce, if that is what you opt for finally. In case of physical abuse, the counsellors do not advise couples counselling because abuse is considered the problem of the abuser and not a problem of the relationship. However, there is a domestic violence treatment program for abuser, which aims at ending abuser’s violent behaviour, holds the abuser accountable, and increases the safety of the victim. However, the abused partner will have to judge for himself or herself if the abusive pattern has changed for the better or not.

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