How to Survive a Break-up

After being with the same person for many years and then breaking up, it is difficult to imagine your life without that person. You once did everything together, and now you are facing life as a single person again. Although the adjustment can be difficult at first, it is not the end of the world. It is important to remember that this is something that happens to nearly everyone at some point, and they have all survived it, so you can too. With time, you can heal your heart and move on. In the end, you will probably find yourself happier than you ever were.

The end of a relationship is like a death. As such, the stages of moving on that occur with a death occur with a break-up as well. You have to let yourself experience all these stages to truly heal. Each step is a normal part of the process and in the end you will be better off.

The first stage is denial and shock. At first, you may find yourself unable to believe that the relationship is over. You may be too shocked to process what happened in your mind. As reality sinks in, these feelings quickly transition into anger, the next part of the grief process. Anger is actually a sign of progress. You may feel mad at yourself or your former partner. This is an important part of processing your feelings and generally doesn't last long.

The next stage is bargaining. This can include begging your former partner to give the relationship another chance, making promises, praying, and blaming yourself. The truth is a break-up occurs because the relationship is broken. Remember all the reasons that led to the break-up. The relationship could not be repaired and it is time to move on.

This leads to the next stage: depression. It is perfectly reasonable to feel depressed about the end of a relationship, but it is important not to linger in this phase for too long. Allow yourself some time to feel sad about things, but do not let it take over your life. You may find yourself unable to stop thinking about the break-up. If so, set aside time to think- for example, ten minutes per day. Each morning, sit down in a quiet place and allow yourself to think about the failed relationship. At the end of the ten minutes, get up and walk away and do something else. For the rest of the day, every time thoughts of the relationship enter your mind, do not allow yourself to think about it and tell yourself you will deal with those feelings during your next ten minutes tomorrow morning. Try to go through your day thinking about it as little as possible.

Remember there is more to your life than this relationship. Think of all the shortcomings your partner had. Remind yourself of the bad times and soon you will feel better about being away from this person. During this stage, it is best not to visit places you went frequently with your former partner. Put away photos and other reminders of your ex. Focus on other things- improving your career, spending time with your family. Now is your chance to do activities you enjoy that your former partner did not. Many people find it helpful to spend extra time with their friends. Your friends help you remember who you are and who you were before the relationship. Going out with friends is a great way to keep your mind off of what happened and to meet new people as well.

Another great way to get through this time is to exercise. Exercising is a well-known way to relieve stress and also releases positive endorphins that make you feel good naturally. This will also help build your self-esteem, which may have taken quite a hit during the break-up. Further, if you exercise in a gym you may expand your social circle. It is important not to spend too much time alone during the depression stage.

Eventually you will reach the acceptance stage. You will see how your life can go on without this person. As you focus on making your life great without someone else, you will then be better equipped to make your life great with someone else. In the process of spending time with family and friends, exploring hobbies, and exercising, you may even meet a great future partner and then you will have a properly healed heart so that you can make your next relationship even better.

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