Maintaining a Friendship with Your Ex - Spouse after a Divorce

Bitterness also alters the behaviour patterns of divorcing adults to such an extent that warring couples are known to have acted unusually. One not so amicably divorced couple has built a wall running through the centre of their house while another bitter spouse has accused the marital partner of having kidnapped the children.

Such unpleasant acts indulged in by the parents leave a largely unperceived but deep rooted impact on the children, the effects of which last for years to come.

Negative Impact on the Children of Bitterly - Contested Divorces

Children of varied age groups react differently to parental conflict. But, one fact is common among children of all age groups. All are badly affected when their parents turn enemies during the divorce.

Ongoing bitter rivalry between the parents translates to lesser time being spent with the children. The children then act in a negative manner to attract parental attention.

The constant fight between the parents saddens and turns them angry. They unconsciously imbibe such behaviour patterns and react similarly to conflicts when they turn adults themselves.

Having witnessed the breakdown of the marital life of their parents, children also lose faith in relationships. They often turn disloyal spouses when they eventually marry.

Contested divorces are extremely expensive. Hard-earned and saved money is lost in the court room battles instead of being gainfully employed on child welfare. Lack of adequate financial resources also damages the children.

Couples, who have a bitter divorce, fight inside and outside the courtroom and continue fighting even after the divorce. They fail to realise the importance of maintaining civil relationship at least for the sake of children.

Maintaining a Civil Relationship with the Ex-Spouse for the Sake of Children

Though the relationship between the couple had broken down, the relationship they share with the children continues intact. Children need the love and nurturing of both the parents. Apart from being loved, they should also be able to love their parents.

The hostility between the parents prevents the non custodial parent from meeting the children regularly or being able to cater to their needs. This angers children and also colours their own adult-child relationship when they have children of their own. Children of bitterly divorced parents are much likely to be divorcees themselves, and thus perpetuate the negativity of the divorce cycle.

Non availability of the non custodial biological parent prevents children from developing a proper relationship with the step parent at home. This makes them undisciplined and they tend to rebel against parental authority. Step parent and child conflict disturbs the academic performance of the child and affects the further formation of positive relationships.

Attempts at discipline enforcement forcefully only generates hate and fear induced resentment. Children finally run away from home or turn delinquents.

Maintaining Amicable Relationships with the Ex-Spouse for Emotional Well Being

An intimate relationship with a person remains for life. After having married a person, it is impossible to eliminate their influence even after divorce. The time spent with the ex spouse impacts the present and the future too.

Couples, who have effectively and amicably resolved their issues during a divorce, have remarried and happily settled down. But, warring couples are burdened by the emotional baggage inherited from the contested divorce. Simmering anger prevails even after a many years. A good relationship with the ex spouse is necessary for the maintenance of peace and emotional well being.

However, it is difficult to maintain a good relationship after the breakdown of marriage. Couples wonder if it is ever possible to be civil to each other after the grief and hurt they had experienced. Disappointment with the attitude of each other coupled with an unforgiving spirit deepens their pain.

The pain may be deep but there is always room for improvement of relationships. If the healing process has to truly begin, couples should first forgive each other. Ex spouses who forgive each other prevent divorce from damaging their children. Lack of civil relationship between them forcefully turns their children into ultimate losers of the divorce process.

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