Shared Parenting: Tips on Making Coparenting work

Shared parenting is when divorced parents decide that they will both be involved in their children's lives. In a shared parenting, or coparenting, arrangement, children spend time living with each parent and the parents both make big decisions for their children about education, health care, religion, etc.

Parents generally choose coparenting because they feel like it is in the best interest of their children to have positive relationships with both parents. Many courts and social scientists agree. Shared parenting definitely has advantages, but there are also some challenges that can go along with it. Here are three suggestions for making coparenting successful.

1. Communicate often with the child's other parent. This can often be a major difficulty for the parents--especially right after the divorce. There may still be bitter and resentful feelings, but parents have to learn to set those aside for the sake of their child. Schedule a weekly time when you and your former spouse can have a meeting. During this meeting only talk about the issues concerning the child--if there are other issues related to the divorce discuss them another time. Set a time limit on the meeting and stick closely to the business at hand (it may be helpful to think of the meeting as a business meeting).

During the week jot down the things that you want to discuss at the meeting--any sort of behavior problems that you'd like both of you to address, any sort of discipline standard that both of you should be upholidng, and any business concerning the child that is coming up (like if you both need to attend parent teacher conferences, or if little Jimmy is entering the science fair). If you have an agenda of what exactly you want to cover when you talk to your ex it will make the meetings easier.

You also need to have the mindset where the other parent needs to be informed of what is going on. Be sure that you share any information that you're given about school or other extra-curricular events so that both parents are in the loop.

2. Create a solid schedule. A lot of challenges with shared parenting agreements is that the schedule can be chaotic and confusing. There can be a lot of switching around between the parents--because the children spend time at both parent's houses. It can also be hard to keep track of what parent, or if both, are attending the child's special events. Parents need to sit down and create a clear cut calendar so they know what's going on. Clearly mark the time each child is spending with the parent and make drop off and pick up times easy to notice.

You should also have a list of the activities you're attending. Keep the calendar and other scheduling information in one place that is easily accessible so you're not always searching around for it. You may want to invest in a computer program that can create your schedule--the calendars you can print can be very detailed and organized. You also may want to have multiple copies of the calendar to put in important places (one calendar on the fridge, one in the car, etc).

3. Enjoy the time you have with your child. This is the fun part about being a parent. Enjoy the time you have with your child. You may not get to see your child for every holiday, so on the holidays you share you want to create good memories. Plan fun activities with your children. And, you should also enjoy the time with the children are with the other parent. Use the time you have to do things you enjoy. Take some classes or pick up some new hobbies. Enjoy the fact that you get a break every now and then.

Shared parenting really can be a great thing for the parents and the children. Once the schedule is organized and set up and you've learned how to communicate with the children's other parent, you can then relish the time you have with your kids and the time they spend with the other parent.

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