Women and Infidelity

Ancient religious law guides, that even had space to accommodate polygamy, turned extremely strict when it came to women and marriage. Socially too, it was simply not acceptable if a woman strayed from her duties to her family. Medieval English texts gleefully describe punishments in hell for the unfaithful wife. Centuries later, when divorce was allowed in Britain, a woman divorced on grounds of infidelity was a kind of social untouchable.

The stigma was so deeply rooted in the psyche of the people that a woman who is unfaithful in marriage is still not as acceptable as a man who has an extramarital affair. Sounds unfair and unrealistic? Of all the divorces filed last year on grounds of infidelity, men were the cause of trouble in over 75% of the cases. Is that because the husbands of the UK are natural Casanovas? That may be so, but one also cannot hide the fact that there are more unfaithful men than women because it is just not possible for most women to break away from the home to follow the heart. But what about the 25% who do stray from the beaten track? Why do women break marriages to follow someone else out of it? Obviously, there can be no hard and fast rules or easy average on this. However, some reasons keep repeating themselves and can, therefore, be considered the top trends in this area. Some of these trends have been discussed in detail below.

Damsel in Distress

Many women who have abusive marriages look upon the third element in their lives as a rescuer. This may or may not work out in the long run, but seems viable then as an option. This includes women who are both physically as well as emotionally abused by their husbands and are in need of some kind of support. It is a fact that many men are moved to act as this ‘rescuer’ because of our social upbringing, and out of sheer humanity. We all know the case described in the popular novel ‘The Rainmaker’ where the protagonist gets a beautiful young woman out of her violently abusive marriage. There is no need to be disparaging about this phenomenon by looking upon these men as a mix of chivalry and opportunism and the women as a mix of the distressed damsel and eager lover. It is a trend and it has its good or bad sides, and no one really has the right to stand in moral judgement over such matters.

Tired and Successful

The working hours of the UK are the longest among all EU nations. It is very tough to reach the top, and persist once you have reached a certain point. Most women don’t have too much time for romance in their lives any more. By the time they marry they are already in their mid thirties, and in most cases, they have known their partners for years previously. Naturally, work pressure takes a toll on a relation that is already old enough and lost most of its youthful magic. After reaching a ‘plateau’ position in their career in their early forties, many women start wondering whether life has been fulfilling at all. This is when many extramarital affairs and divorces happen, and many women opt for single parenthood or cohabitation just to avoid the trouble of getting married and divorced again.

Empty Nest Syndrome

Women, as has been noted above, are still more duty-bound towards the family than men. But what is to be done when these duties have been discharged successfully? Many women in their mid forties discover that their children have grown up and are adequately taking care of themselves somewhere away from home, studying and building their own future. The marriage meanwhile has turned stale. The empty nest syndrome sees such women who are done with being mothers and wives try out an experience more personally satisfying through an affair.

The Old Flame

When do you know that a love affair is over? There are emotions that remain dormant over many years because other matters precede it in urgency, but it could have been more satisfying and fulfilling. Women turning away from their spouses after many years of marriage to follow an old flame who has cropped up in their lives again are trying to build a better life for themselves. It may be interesting to note here that such affairs have grown almost dramatically in number since dating and friendship sites have proliferated.

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