How Do You Handle A Break-up?

It's over. A relationship that was important to you has ended. Perhaps you were the one who ended it. Perhaps you were not and instead, similar to me, you were recently "dumped." So, what do you do?

Simply put: Act with grace and dignity.

Now, this may sound like a no brainer, but when we're hurt it is not necessarily an easy way to behave. On the flip side of the coin, when we've hurt someone it may not be an easy way to act either. Difficult, highly charged emotional situations challenge all of us. Often, these types of situations can actually bring out the worst in a person.

However, like it or not, it's the difficult times in our lives that offer us the greatest opportunity to grow emotionally and spiritually.

Practically speaking, what does "acting with grace and dignity" look like? I'll share my personal experience to illustrate one possibility.

Without boring you with the details, when my boyfriend recently ended our relationship he did it in a way that really hurt me. It was very hard for me to accept that someone who claimed to care about me so much could treat me the way that he did in the end.

That's important to note. So let me emphasize something here. He hurt me and I was far enough along in my own personal and spiritual growth to understand the worst thing for me to do was to go to him for "answers." But, there were times when the desire to ask him certain questions was so great in me it was very hard to manage. So, what did I do to keep myself from contacting him?

I made a promise to myself and a friend that I would talk to her first before I contacted him. I made this promise to a friend who I trusted and who was also objective. Many friends mean well, but are not always objective. Having someone objective help you sort through what you're feeling is very important.

Another area where you can "act with grace and dignity" is if your ex boyfriend contacts you. If he does, it's up to you what kind of response you're going to give him. In my case, because of how he treated me, when he did call me and left a voice mail message, I chose not to call him back? Why, because the message he left did not warrant a response. He was doing what is called "fishing."

If you do talk to your ex boyfriend avoid" raising your voice; blaming him; crying (do this with your friends - not him); trying to teach him a lesson; and doing or saying anything that will make you feel "less than" afterwards.

Be careful here, because if your ex is fishing, you do not want to take the bait. He's only looking for information to appease his ego and communicating with him when he does this is going to leave you feeling worse than prior to speaking with him.

So, again, if you do hear from your ex, before you respond to him, speak with your designated girl friend and sort out what's best for you to do before you react.

I also chose to stay away from the places we frequented as a couple. Doing so is allowing me to heal from the experience so that if one day I do run into him, I can easily handle myself with composure.

Basically, the art of handling your self with grace and dignity after a break up has a lot to do with allowing yourself time away from your ex so that you can heal properly.

But, there is an additional positive side effect.

Acting with grace and dignity in the face of a break-up leads to feeling empowered. The strong sense of self that you will feel by behaving well is worth every once of the struggle.

Feeling empowered versus being a victim is your birthright. But, you have to be the master of you own behavior in order to experience the beauty of feeling empowered. So, don't let yourself down. Avoid being a victim of a break-up and, instead, do what you need to do to take good care of yourself.

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