Infidelity: The Four Types Of Affairs

Purposeful Affairs:

Having a "purposeful" affair doesn't make having an affair right. Then what "purpose" is there, you might ask? A purposeful affair is one that was done with an end result in mind.

For instance, someone who is trying desperately to get promoted at work may think that the only way to do so is to sleep with the boss. The purpose of the affair was to get promoted, and the affair was the action taken for the purpose. This is difficult because so many people need a purpose to feel a sense of accomplishment.

Often times, as discussed above, a new job or promotion can bring on new challenges, excitement, and a sense of worth and value. However, if sleeping your way to the top is your method, how much value will you put in your own promotion.

Communication, the common theme, is a great way to prevent a purposeful affair. Share with your spouse your feelings, your goals, your dreams, and your partner will give back a feeling that you will achieve those goals, and they will support you, and give you the necessary feeling of worth, regardless of your title at work.

Your partner will make you happy for you to be you, and not force you into thinking that sex is a way to advance your career. Together you can come up with a plan to build your career the proper way, through hard work and dedication, and through staying positive and adding value to the organization. Don't make your job more valuable than your marriage and let this type of affair affect your life.

The Family Affair:

This is the type of affair when one spouse becomes involved in an affair with a member of the other spouses family, usually a sibling. Often times you develop a closeness or bond with your in-laws, and you really get to know them. Sometimes you may even think the grass is greener on the other side.

Remember, just because someone seems perfect, doesn't mean they are. A lot of times one partner may think, "Ya know, my wife is great, but that constant nagging is driving me nuts! Why can't she be more like her sister?"

You never want to compare your spouse to their siblings. And keep in mind, just because you may never hear her sister nag, doesn't mean she doesn't. While no type of affair "should" happen, this one is particularly perplexing.

What complicates this one is that not only does one spouse decide to cheat, but they cheat with their spouse's sibling, who has grown up with the other spouse and has an unbreakable bond. Unbreakable, that is, until the sibling cheats with the spouse.

The Homosexual Affair:

The homosexual affair occurs when one partner has a hidden identity behind them. In this type of affair, the person may dress like the other sex or may just plain seek a secret partner of the same sex.

Let me tell you a story about a man named Joe. Joe was having an issue with homosexuality. Joe was gay, but he was married to a woman and had two beautiful children. Joe loved his wife and his kids, and would do nothing to hurt them, but he was dying inside not being able to step out of the closet.

What Joe then did was strange to me at the time. One day a week, Joe would leave his job early, put on a wig, heels, a dress, and make-up, and he would go to a bar for happy hour and go by the name "Marsha".

He needed to let it out that he loved feeling like a woman, and this was the only way he could. His wife and children never knew, and he'd been doing it for years.

In other cases of homosexual affairs, one spouse feels that it isn't cheating if they have slept with someone who is the same sex. For instance, "Stacy" liked being with women, and felt that it wasn't cheating when she had an affair with "Laura".

She had grown up with Laura and they had done these kinds of things before, and she thought her husband wouldn't mind since she wasn't sleeping with another man.

In both of these cases, an intimate bond has been broken, and trust has been violated. When trust in a relationship has been violated, betrayal has occurred.

The Exit Affair:

The last type of affair we will discuss is very fitting; the exit affair. In the exit affair, more often than not it is a scheme to end the current relationship.

One person involved in the marriage is unhappy and feels it is beyond repair, and instead of being mature and sharing those feelings, they have an affair in hopes of getting caught, so their spouse will feel they have no choice but to divorce from the marriage.

This is a cop out. If you want out of a relationship, leave. Explain why you want out, and if you think you can't work through a relationship, leave. Don't put your current spouse at risk for turmoil, emotional disaster, and, worst off, make them susceptible to STD's.

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