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Using washed out excuses for infidelity

Tags: romance

I was not happy in my marriage.
Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: “I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We’ve grown
apart. I can’t stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened.”

These statements are rationalizations and fail to “get at” the underlying issues.

Key points:

1. it’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of its own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.” One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they
hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no “marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the
comedian Flip Wilson and his “The devil made me do it” skit?

2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.
3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need вЂ

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<h1>Using washed out excuses for infidelity</h1><br />by ajajaj<br /> I was not happy in my marriage.<br />Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: “I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We’ve grown <br />apart. I can’t stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened.”<br /><br />These statements are rationalizations and fail to “get at” the underlying issues.<br /><br />Key points:<br /><br />1. it’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of its own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.” One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they <br />hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no “marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the <br />comedian Flip Wilson and his “The devil made me do it” skit?<br /><br />2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.<br />3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need вЂ<br /><h2>About the Author</h2><p>romance </p> <br /><h3><a href="http://www.content4reprint.com/relationships/sexuality/using-washed-out-excuses-for-infidelity.htm" title="Using washed out excuses for infidelity">Article Source:</a> <a href="http://www.content4reprint.com" title="Free high quality articles">Content for Reprint</a></h3>