The Future: Do You Want What Your Partner Wants?

To a point, it's true that opposites attract. There's something really alluring about that one person who looks at the world differently. But many people don't realize how much similarities attract too-- on just as much of an unconscious level as do opposites. Sure, when you create your internet dating profile, you try to list interests and traits that will allow you to find somebody who shares your perspective. But that's not just a practical exercise-- it also goes deeper than that. In fact, finding somebody similar to you is something your mind and body are programmed to do.

The truth is, the more you share in common with the people you date, the better chance your relationship has of working out. But you'll always share some things in common with your partners. So how do you tell whether or not you share the truly important things?

Future Goals

After you've finished talking about your favorite books and bands and television shows, that search for a common thread will start to run deeper. And while it's important to share some interests like the ones above, it's this deeper conversation that will tell you more about your and your partner's ultimate compatibility. This is a time to really listen to what your partner has to say, and try to understand what it means. You can dismiss some opinions and ideas as not important enough to affect your relationship, but when it comes to talking about the future, everything is important.

Want to get a better understanding of what your partner wants-- and to see if you want the same things? Start a conversation about it. If you don't want to talk too seriously too soon, even a conversation based on hypothetical situations will tell you a lot about what your partner wants from life.

Here's an example. If you ask your partner what he or she would want to do if they won millions in the lottery, their answer should tell you a lot about what they see for the future. And what their priorities are for their lives. If they say they'd spend the rest of their lives traveling the world, while you'd use the money to buy a big house in the country, your priorities for the future may not be as compatible as you hoped.

You don't always have to want what your partner wants for the future, but it sure does help to smooth the path.

When People Change

Another important consideration for the future is deciding who, exactly, you and your partner will be. Sure, you both want the same things right now... but with time those things may change. Especially if you're both very young, you have to expect that both of you will grow. Your tastes, your priorities, your goals will change. And it doesn't always happen that you will change together.

Fortunately, there are ways to make those changes easy and exciting rather than scary. Both you and your partner simply have to make an effort. The fact that you both change and grow is a good thing; it means you can stay with the same person for decades but not feel stuck with the same person you started out with.

However, those changes can be accompanied by fear. When you see your partner change and grow, it's natural to fear that you're growing apart-- that the person you're with is not the person you met. But if you open your mind to your partner's new ideas, you may find that you, too, grow and change in the process. And you'll find that you grow together rather than apart.

There's no way to guarantee that you and your partner will always want the same things from your future. But if you lay down a foundation of similar goals and interests, it'll be that much easier to move and change together, adjusting to and accepting each other until you fit together snugly. Just like a couple of puzzle pieces.

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