You're Not Taking That

Despite your best intentions, break-ups happen. And while there's plenty of emotional stuff to deal with after a break up, it's impossible to ignore the practical considerations: the person you were dating has some of your things, and you have some of theirs. It's time to split up your stuff... and it's an uncomfortable prospect.

If You're Living Together

If you were living with somebody you've just broken up with, get ready for things to get complicated. The longer you cohabitate with a person, the more mixed-up your possessions become, and the more shared possessions you accumulate. If there are a lot of hurt feelings in a break up, the splitting up of possessions can be one of the most awkward and painful things you do. But you've got to get started sooner than later. The longer you let it sit, the more difficult it will be.

As a general rule, anything you carried with you into the relationship is yours to take out. Being with you doesn't make your ex part-owner of your things. If it's yours, it's yours. So don't be shy to write up a list of what was yours when you moved in together, and take it along with you when negotiating the division of your possessions. It may look shallow, but it may also smooth the process considerably.

You also have to be willing to give. Anything your ex-girlfriend or -boyfriend had before his or her relationship with you is theirs-- no matter how much you like it.

Once everything that was brought along into the relationship is divided up, it's time to go through the things you purchased together. If you kept very separate accounts when it came time to buy, keep this in mind when you go to divide property: if you paid for it, it should belong to you. And vice versa.

If ownership is fuzzy, the best method is to use a points system to calculate who gets what. Essentially, what you'll need to do is assign points to items depending on their importance to you. Make a list of everything you're trying to divide up, and have each of you divide 100 points among those items. (If you're going through a lot of possessions, you may have to do this in several batches. Doing 5-10 items at a time is best.) Points are given according to how much you want the item.

Then, the person who gave each item the most points --the person who wants it most-- gets to keep it. Then, if the number of points of items received adds up unfairly, one or several items should be sold and the money divided appropriately between you. This points system keeps things simple, practical, and most of all, as unemotional as possible.

If You're Not Living Together

If, say, you met somebody on an internet dating site and spent a lot of nights with them but never moved in, dividing your things should be simple. Depending on the feelings of your ex, getting your things back might be as simple as asking for them. You can send a friend over to pick them up, or go yourself to make the exchange. If, however, there are a lot of bad feelings between you, your ex may not be willing to return your things. This is one of those relationship risks you take... and a good reason not to leave too much stuff at the home of somebody you're dating.

When returning possessions back to one another, the best way to arrange things is through an exchange. Pick a time to meet and exchange items, and then go on your way, leaving the relationship behind you. When you use an exchange to divide possessions, it lessens the chance of your ex holding some of your things hostage just because he or she wants to.

Seed Newsvine

Bookmark this article in your preferred program

Comments

Add Comment

Popular Articles in this cathegory

This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.