Yours Passionately Forever?

Passion. Most of us love it and some of us are too scared of the way it makes us feel. It can take away your powers of reasoning, your ability to eat and turns us into the most selfish of creatures with only one thing on our minds. SEX. We are told that this chemical reaction sparked off by the object of our desire lasts for a short time and is a way of bonding us together (and stopping us from seeing all of our new partner's disgusting habits until it is too late). Biologically it is for the purposes of joining us together for the purposes of conceiving and nurturing children. I know, I am in a scientific mood today. And after that short time, the serious question of what to do and talk about when you are out of the bedroom arises...

So do we have to accept that the spark has gone and learn to live without it? Or do we find other ways of obtaining it? We asked a group of married men how, and if, they kept the spark alive in their relationships.

Many of the men that we interviewed told us that the spark had definitely gone out of their marriages but they didn't blame marriage in itself but the arrival of children. Mark, married for ten years with two kids, told us, "For the first two years after the birth, you are too exhausted to do anything at all and then the spontaneity is gone. You can hardly rip each others clothes off in the living room on a Saturday afternoon with Junior running about. It's like you have to make an appointment to have anything other than quiet, in-the-dark sex after the kids have gone to bed. And then, you never know when one of them is going to come into the bedroom and get into bed with you. And to be honest with you, sex is just not as exciting with my wife now as it was ten years ago."

For John, who has been married for nine years, life has just got in the way. He and his wife work opposite shifts and hardly ever see each other at all. Some would argue that this is a perfect marriage as what we have repeatedly heard is that the familiarity really does take the excitement out of it; the buzz is just not the same.

Thank goodness for Mike, who has been married for eighteen years, who tells us that he still has a regular sex life with his wife and he finds her as sexually attractive now as he did eighteen years ago. He also has 2 kids and although he admits that it was difficult when the kids were young, he says that now it gets better and better. And the secret? Frequent trips to Ann Summers shops. Sex toys and new experiences in the bedroom are what keeps it alive for them. I wonder if it helps that he works away a lot of the time and the familiarity (constantly breeding contempt) is lessened!

If you don't have the sexual spark in your long-term relationship, do you work to reignite it or do you look for the spark elsewhere? Let us know what you think...

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