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An Irrational Fear For A White Board

I started life as a blackboard. I wasn't very good at it though. It's not my fault, I am just sick.

Nobody realises how I suffer. Every night, I am taunted by the other classroom equipment. They tell me I'm going to be upgraded to an interactive whiteboard. They say this because they know I have leukophobia. I'm afraid of all things white - I struggle with the chalk which is why it screeches across me and they threaten me with a whiteboard.

They do this on purpose because they know I am ill and they try to play on my fears. You see, I have panophobia, which is a genuine fear of everything. They call me a hypochondriac but it is not in my mind. It's very real.

I've tried to do my job to the best of my ability but they installed me in a classroom, of all places. Don't they know I have ephebiphobia? I'm cursed with this fear of teenagers and they put me in a classroom! All this did was compound my fears and make me more anxious.

After a phase of graphophobia where I was scared of the handwriting being put all over me, I was given some intensive therapy which helped me recover. However, they think I don't know. They think because of my optophobia, where I'm afraid of opening my eyes, that I don't see what's going on, but I do.

I've seen the changes occurring in this school and I am truly afraid. Afraid of change - I call it metathesiophobia. It currently over rides my fear of being stared at (ophthalmophobia) but it's all still there. This school is being modernised! I won't be able to cope with this because I have cainophobia, a fear of all things new.

This spells the end for me. Not good considering one of my first fears is that of being ignored (athazagoraphobia). Today the lights went up and I find the desks have been filled with fancy flat screen computers. My days are numbered, I just know it.

And here it is. Today, I am being upgraded to a white board. Not just any old whiteboard but an interactive whiteboard. All my fears played upon in one hit. I'm to have an overhead projector that will be interactive with any electrical system they see fit! Well, DVD players and digital cameras, anyway.

I have to give it a try if I do not want to be consigned to the scrap heap so here goes. The whiteness I can get used to. At least I'm not being ignored. The overhead projector is not a problem as I do not have to do anything. Just as well, seeing as I have a fear of looking up (anablephobia) and a fear of glaring lights (photoaugliaphobia).

The sciaphobia (fear of shadows) is no longer a problem now I'm an interactive whiteboard because the lighting is positioned to minimise shadows. At last, I think they are beginning to understand my value as a learning tool and are taking my fears seriously.

The only problem I'm finding at the moment is that there is so much going on at once, digital photos, computer programmes and DVD's that I get a little confused. I swear it's bringing on Diplophobia.

I've been teaching these young people as an interactive whiteboard for some weeks now and I'm becoming quite accustomed to it. My fear of being touched (aphenphosmphobia) is wearing off, which is just as well. I have had to get used to, not just the tutor touching me, but the pupils have taken it in turns, putting their hands all over me, actively taking part in demonstrations. Not something I've seen them do before. Maybe they're not such a bad bunch after all.

The only thing I now have to worry about is my fear of getting another phobia (phobophobia).

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